Your Personal Narrative is Literally Defining Your Life.

Let me explain.

The definition of narrative is: 

A story or a description of a series of events. 

A particular way of explaining or understanding events. 

Here is how your personal narrative defines you: 

It tells you what is and isn’t possible in your life, family, society, and country. 

It shows you obstacles or opportunities. 

It tells you a story about how people ‘like you’ need to be. 

It uses traits such as age, physical appearance, health, religion, education, and culture as determining factors in your life story. 

It defines you based on your role in life (mother, father, child, employee, employer, single, entrepreneur, founder) by reinforcing all of the narratives you have seen for these roles before. 

It gives you all of the excuses you need in order to justify why your life is the way that it is. 

You get the idea right? 

Your personal narrative dictates everything you have done, will do, achieve, create, and live throughout your time in this life. 

Your personal narrative is so important that it literally makes you feel as though it’s true. And you spend your life reinforcing it by constantly finding all of the data and experiences that support your narrative. 

Here’s the thing, most of us are not even aware of what our personal narrative actually is. 

For some of us, we are walking around living a life that is defined by narratives that we have never actually agreed to, we just accepted them as fact. 

This was my story.

My narrative for decades was that in order to achieve success, I had to change. It wasn’t a conscious narrative but looking back now I can see that it was the defining force in my life and shaped every aspect of my existence. 

Growing up, my birthday was always after the end of the school year. I had this fantasy growing up. In my fantasy, I would transform over the summer break, and I would return to school a more beautiful and exciting version of myself. People would recognize the transformation and I would find myself in the center of an incredible metamorphosis. The truth is, that never happened to me, when I was growing up. And believe me I tried. I changed my body, my hair, my style, the way I did my makeup. I even had my first nose job right before my 15th birthday. No matter how hard I tried, I never felt transformed. 

As I got older I changed careers, diets, exercise programs, relationships…. And I worked harder and harder at trying to change and be different than I was. The more I did, the further away I got from any image I had of success, and the more disconnected from myself I actually became. 

And here is the thing, we all have multiple narratives running simultaneously. 

Narratives about who we are, our family, our relationships, our careers, our roles in society, our abilities, our age, our bodies, our luck or lack thereof, and our general capabilities. 

Most of the narratives we have are not even conscious ones we selected. We inherited them from the people around us. 

Can you see the problem this creates? 

How do you design an extraordinary life (that you really love) if you are operating in an outdated narrative that is literally keeping you stuck within the same storyline? 

How do you change the story? 

How do you actually become the main character? 

How do you alter your trajectory? 

Look around you, most people (ie. the average) share the same personal narratives. 

You will never break out of the loop you are in, as long as you try to be like everyone else around you. Everyone agrees with the problems, challenges, issues, possibilities and lack of possibilities and reinforce to one another the ‘reality.’ 

And those that operate in a different narrative, have a different experience. 

Through experience, I spent decades chasing external changes, people, and things while operating within outdated narratives. This left me tired, unhappy, miserable, stressed, anxious, and worried. It didn’t matter how much money I made, whether I lost 10lbs, whether I could afford a new handbag or to take that trip, whether I had a boyfriend or not….  Nothing was changing. 

After years of searching for something outside of my Self to change and transform me, I finally had to be honest that nothing seemed to be working. 

That moment of honesty (quite possibly one of the first that I had with myself) was a gift. 

When this happens to us, we have a choice to make. First we must accept the situation. You can’t create another reality if you refuse to accept your current circumstances. 

I don’t know anyone who has been able to do it. 

My friends and family (whom I love) are not going to be able to help me.

Everyone around me thinks the same way that I do, which means no one will change. 

It’s hard. It’s not impossible. 

From there the paths diverge. 

For some of us, acceptance has become synonymous with giving up, settling, and becoming cynical and jaded. This path leads towards victimization.  

For others, once we accept the situation, we realize there must be another way to live and experience our time in this life. 

This is the path that has power. 

Nothing in my experience truly shifted until I stopped looking externally for someone or something to validate me and instead began to look inwards at the world I was inhabiting in my mind and in my thoughts. I began to identify that I had narratives and a lot of them. I began to understand the impact of my life’s narratives, where they came from, and started my journey on the path towards re-writing all of my personal narratives. 

This weekly forum will be dedicated to The Narratives we tell ourselves (both consciously and subconsciously) because it is only through this re-programming of our beliefs and thoughts that real metamorphosis occurs. And, I know we all have a desire for growth inside of us. It is part of our human experience and since we first enter into this world, we are on a consistent journey towards self realization. That path might look different for each of us, but we are all on a collective journey. 

Redefining my personal narratives has altered my life. 

And, this journey (my journey) continues. 

For now, here is how I would suggest you begin on your journey:

• Write down a list of all of the conditions and circumstances in your life that define (for you right now) why your life is the way that it is. Be as specific and detail oriented as you can. The more you identify your narratives, the easier it will be to start the process of changing them. 

I am thirty-eight years old, it’s too late for me to move to a new country. 

There is no way I can start again (I have to support my family).

I am forty years old, I will probably never have children at this point in my life. 

I know nothing about writing a children’s book.

I have no time or help. 

Every single time I find an opportunity I am too slow and I miss it. 

I am a single parent. 

I never had rich parents that could help me. 

I am single because I can’t ever meet someone that I like. 

Building this business is hard and I am on my own doing it. 

It’s too late to start over again. 

I don’t know where to start. 

You have to be realistic. 

• Take one of the personal narratives you have identified with and start your research online. Compile a list of people who have been successful in creating a personal narrative that differs from your current one. Find books, speakers, podcast episodes that focus on this one narrative. 

In my life, I have often found the courage and inspiration to re-write a personal narrative by looking at the model others have achieved before me. I haven’t necessarily had people in my personal life and personal network who could model anything for me, but I found others who did, and through the process of reading found myself incredibly stimulated and inspired to follow their example. I eventually started to meet people in my real life who served as coaches, guides, and resources in my journey. I am eternally grateful for the people who showed up in real life and through books and podcasts that showed me another path in this life. 

This has been my process. You must find the one that works for you. My advice is to start to realize what your personal narratives are today, be honest about the fact that not everyone is defined by the exact same circumstances that you feel defined by, and if someone can break out of that loop…. So can you. 

Your personal narratives are defining you right now whether you realize it or not. 

And, the truth is that nothing ultimately changes in your life, if you are operating within the same narratives that have always defined you. 

Our lives are a reflection of what we believe is possible, nothing more and nothing less. 

And trust me, once you start to break down your current narratives, and replace them with ones you want—  life’s way more fun and rewarding. 

Try this first step this week…. And, be on the lookout for all of the personal narratives that you are not even aware of, the hidden ones that block you from your Self. 

I am excited to share this with you!

Follow along weekly as we deconstruct the narratives that shape us and reprogram our understanding of what is possible for our Self. 

With love,

Marissa